How I Feel Right Now Having Written “Signs of Danger”
I felt extremely uncomfortable while writing my list of things I’m aware of when I begin to sense my safety could be threatened. To write the list I had to remember times when I felt potentially threatened, so I also felt the sense of threat. But now that I’ve published the list, I feel somehow more powerful. It feels good to recognize that I don’t feel any fear or shame in acknowledging that I can feel threatened or helpless in certain situations.
I think one of my Big Goals in Life is to reclaim my sense of Belonging. Not to someone or a group or a place, but to Life. Affirming my own Existence.
Oh, praise be Jesus! Yes! Just saying “I belong!” or “I affirm the goodness and rightness of my existence!” floods me with a feeling of well-being. Praise be Jesus forever and ever! I credit the Lord with my ability to recognize the Goodness and Rightness of my Being. It’s absolute, because the Lord’s embracing of Life is absolute. This is something I know in my soul. It really can’t be explained in words. Oh, I’m sure theologians and other spiritual writers can try to dissect the thought/ phenomenon. But I’m not really pointing to a thought or idea or even phenomena. I’m referring to a mystical posture. I have discovered within myself “where” my soul rests in the Lord’s Spirit.
This makes me smile. Nothing is really needed beyond this. And yet, while I am here on Earth, in the body, some to-doing is required. I can’t just sit around in blissful contentment that God loves me! Part of me would like to depart from here to Heaven sooner rather than later, even now. But that’s the part of me that would like to avoid suffering. And the odd thing is is that, in my experience, this “posture of bliss” doesn’t exempt me from suffering. In fact, it has been through suffering that I discover the depth and breadth of this “posture.” It is in communing w/ my Lord Jesus Christ in prayer during times of suffering that I experience the healing and sustaining flow of Christ’s unconditional Joy. Knowing I am loved no-matter-what produces a Joy that nothing can squelch.
This is part of why I call it a mystical “posture.” It doesn’t have to do with doing or solving anything; it is simply being in the Lord’s Presence. Oh! And He welcomes me so graciously and tenderly and with such Joy! Hallelujah!