(How I might look)
You know how filming movies starts with “Lights! Camera! Action!”? For me, moving into my day starts with “Lights! Coffee! Music!” I can rise at any hour if I really NEED to, if there’s a specific thing I’ve committed to do at a specific time that requires the early exit out of dream-land. However, I am naturally a late-riser. I’m not proud of the fact. In my milieu “sleeping-in” tends to be looked down upon. But I’m no longer truly ashamed of the fact that my natural wake time is 9:00 a.m. I’ve always been this way. Although most of my life has required I get up around 6:00 a.m. and I have managed my sleeping and waking accordingly, now that I am “retired” from “external commitments” I let myself return to my natural rhythms. I usually stay up until mid-night or 1:00 a.m.. My body seems to prefer 9 hours sleep. Whatever my waking hour, get me going is greatly facilitated by music. When I hear music, it is as if the interior, essential Me wakes up; without music, much of me remains dormant.
I’m thinking about this because my “hot spot” or area where I need to work on bringing a healthful balance into my life is my physical health. On my scales at home I weigh 165. At the doctor’s office I weigh 159. (I think they should really record 160, but the nurse is likely sympathetically taking a low reading!) I used to be 5 feet 3 inches, but I’m a little bit shorter now. I have a smallish frame (bone structure). So I think my ideal weight would be around 115. In college I weighed 110-115 and I felt great. I ate well and I was naturally very active. By “naturally” I mean that my daily activities incorporated a great deal of walking and other gentle-yet-constant activity. I would be very happy to lose 40-50 pounds of fat, and gain some muscle weight. I don’t really care what number the scale reads, I just know I need to lose fat from my midriff. And I’d like to be physically stronger.
The approach I believe I SHOULD take in addressing my health is to eat better and to incorporate regular exercise into my daily routine. So why don’t I do this? Why haven’t I done it yet? Simple answer: because other things have been a priority. Why aren’t I doing it now? Well, I’m starting to look directly at the issue; so, there’s no more “not doing it.” Even so, my top priority is addressing my emotional health, healing my self-regard.
I think this is a good ordering of priorities because I’ve noticed that now that I am letting myself put my Self as my top priority, I have had more energy in general. I “feel like” doing more things. I want my approach to all self-care to be one born out of love and joy, not fear or shame or obligation. I want to develop an attitude of joy and celebration in feeding myself, rather than dreading food as a danger. I want my chosen modes of movement to be just that rather than dreading dutifully doing demanded daily drudgery! So what’s my next step? Find a great dance-inducing CD, and dance! As for eating: find a few recipes for easily combined fresh ingredients. Maybe have a theme for each day. Somehow make the plan fun. Maybe more on that next post. Time to dance!
(How I feel!)
