Tag: courage

If you are working on your recovery/ healing from abuse/ trauma, you are:

  1. Courageous
  2. Brave
  3. Honest
  4. Kind
  5. Aware
  6. Imaginative
  7. Free in Spirit
  8. Unique
  9. Patient
  10. Empathetic
  11. Insightful
  12. Wise
  13. Complex
  14. Good

Hoo-ray! Keep going!  May you find wholeness.

I Know Because It Happened To Me

“So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialized, or distorted.  Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality.  You can say: This did happen to me.  It was that bad.  It was the fault and responsibility of the adult.  I was — and am — innocent.”

(TCTH, p.27)

I know people who don’t have any comprehension of what it means to have been sexually abused as a child/youth, and in their ignorance they somehow (almost always) leap to “why didn’t you tell anyone?”  There are many answers to that question, but one of the things that is so offensive about it is that it possibly implies the continued abuse is the fault of the child/youth because, in not being able to tell someone or to get an adult to believe/understand them, then maybe some of the fault is with the child/youth.  Why isn’t the first question adults ask in the face of abuse stories, “who was the jerk?” or “where were the adults who should have stopped the pervert?” or “why is society so blind (and to some degree complicit)?”.  Or better yet, rather than ask a question that would put the victim on the defense or responsible for explaining perverted-adult-behavior, simply say  “I am SO sorry you experienced this terrible offense against you!”

I will be writing much more in future posts about my experience of having my experience trivialized/ distorted, but for now I simply want to say to my peers, my fellow-survivors: now as an adult, I am so sorry you experienced this heinous offense against your sacred, innocent person.  And I am so grateful you survived.  I pray you will find the strength within to advance your healing; I pray you will find wholeness.

Gentle Grace: Finding Focus

I’m doing two things to directly help myself progress in healing:

  1. I’ve found a pal to companion each other while we work through The Courage to Heal (and Workbook); we will meet once a month, sharing our writing exercises.
  2. I am attending an ASCA group once a month.

There are other things I do of course to help myself become whole, but these are the things I’m doing specific to healing from abuse.

Rather than keeping a comprehensive healing-lifestyle in my frame of focus, and constantly feeling like I’m failing (because I’m not consistent in everything; too often pointing out my imperfections to myself), instead I am focusing on these two things.  This is good because they are two very good things to do, but also, it is very healthy and helpful for me to focus on what I CAN do.

This seems to be a huge theme for me recently, and it has taken me by surprise.  I have spent my entire adult life thus far doing nearly exclusively things in which I am an “expert” or extremely competent.  Doing so I have built up great confidence in doing those skills, fulfilling those roles.  But when it comes to anything else, I find I have very little confidence.  I am surprised by how much courage I require to try new things.  So rather than berate myself for not attaining immediate success or consistency with ALL the things I believe I should do for myself, I have chosen to give myself life-blooming grace: focus on a few things I can commit to and then gently and gratefully do them.

May you find and embrace the grace you need today.

 

Hebrews 4:15-16Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

15 For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)The Revised Standard Version of the Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1965, 1966 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Hebrews 4:16New International Version (NIV)